Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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