Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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