i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
