So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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