Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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