I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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