you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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