do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
