I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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