im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
