dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
