I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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