I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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