you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
