just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
