I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
