I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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