You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
