do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
