i think my tv is drunk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
