I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
