Your tits are I can't wait for
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
