Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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