Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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