i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
