Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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