I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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