Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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