i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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