well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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