apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My cat gives me a boner
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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