Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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