Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
