im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
