Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
