Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
