Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
