Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
