my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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