Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
