what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
