You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
