So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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