Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
