if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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