No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
