My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
