You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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