You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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