woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I understand Curling. That high.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
