mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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