I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Your penis caused this!
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