I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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