i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
