at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
