he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
