I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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