Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
cat food counts as protein by the way
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
